Rose Rant: Episode 2: Muppet Mania

Episode 2 starts out with a weird, fake sounding Channel 9 news segment on the Bachelorette.

Then the preview of whats coming during this episode... I never understood this. It's like "Here's an outline of what you are about to watch as soon as we are done showing you the visual outline of what you will be watching." It's so stupid and as the season progresses, I know I will get more and more frustrated with all the dramatic previews of what's coming.

Then we see Emily and her daughter meeting with a very random looking group of friends.

Now it's back to Bachelor mansion for some awkward shots of half naked dudes and their muscles flexing and twitching. Chris Harrison comes in and explains what will happen with the dates and date cards, roses, etc. As if anyone doesn't really know how this whole sham show works. He leaves the date card and the first date goes to.......

Ryan! 

Georgia boy, ex Footballer, super cute. I like a southern guy  that can rock a v-neck and faux-hawk

He is probably so excited about jumping into a volcano, flying across the world for a picnic, jumping off a bridge, or any other crazy, life endangering dates that are the norm, but he gets the "Mom" date.

I like this idea and I hope some of the other guys that she is seriously into get at least one date like this because that is her life, and that is what these guys will be getting into when/if they get together. I think she gave Ryan this date because she is really likes him. You know that the Bachelor/Bachelorette have a pretty good idea of who will be going the farthest right from the start because a lot of times you click with someone and you just know.  I think she really felt a connection (I can't believe I am using that Bachelorette cliche) with Ryan and wanted to see how he would react to that life. I am so glad she didn't introduce him to Ricki, I don't think most moms would introduce a guy to their child unless they were pretty serious.

I was glad that Ryan got a little bit of an over-the-top date ending so that he didn't go down as having the most boring (compared to the other dates from the show) date in the history of ever.  They had dinner and a concert by Gloriana to cap the night. Mark my words, Ryan is going to go pretty far unless he stirs up some sort of drama or crazy alter ego.

Next is the Group Date. 

These are always so awkward, and this one was made much worse by the Muppets. I honestly didn't pay too much attention to this because it was so awful. One thing I do remember is Charlie (brain trauma guy). He was in a bad accident and is still recovering and working on speech. Apparently he had to re-learn speak, and he was put in the group of stand- up comedians for the night. You could literally see him shaking and sweating the whole date for fear of speaking in public. He is this giant guy that was shaking at the thought of having to talk to an audience, he just can't take it anymore and goes to talk to Emily about switching to something else like singing or dancing in a group. She agrees, problem solved! but then he gets put in a a group that goes on fake talk show with  Miss Piggy and he has to answer a question, by himself, in words, talking. So... he still had to talk by himself. When he shakily answers Miss Piggy, to the applause of everyone, Emily says that she "felt like such a proud mama" because Charlie did so well.... Charlie you have been FRIENDZONED until further notice.

At the group date cocktail, Jef gets the rose after him and Emily have a conversation that makes it seem like she is the one chasing him and he just kind of 'whatevs' about the whole thing. It was super awkward and she must really like him, because her and Chris also had a good conversation. I mean. according to Chris, no one could have had a better conversation and connection with her than he did. Obviously he was wrong.


The next date card arrives and Joe (Matthew McConaughey wanna be) gets it. They fly to West Virgina and have a day at the Greenbriar. A fancy hotel that Emily hung out at when she was little. During dinner she asks him questions, and instead of answering them he just asks her the same question back. She doesn;t give him the rose, the end.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Kalon aka Chopper stirs up trouble by telling Doug that he put his life/his son on hold to do the Bachelor. I am so surprised that Doug didn't drown Kalon right there he was that furious. I am going to stand up for Kalon for a second, be warned. Kalon is not a father, he doesn't have a clue about parenting and what it means to be a parent he a very 26 year old who does not think before he speaks. The fact that he doesn't understand parenting and was bold enough to make that comment, means he probably will cross the line with Emily at some point on the parenting topic. I expect him to be the center the annual  "here for the wrong reason" drama, he doesn't like your kid.

Kalon is definitely this season's Courtney. He is bold and rude and is making enemies fast. I think he even re-used a Courtney line a la: "The other guys are making friends, not focusing on the prize" type comment. He is a wordsmith with Emily and you can tell that he uses big words to try and impress, as well as using his money to try and do the same. (Kalon, have you seen Emily's gorgeous house and car and her paychecks from this Bachelorette gig and the previous Bachelor snafu? Your money will not impress her.)


Onto the Cocktail Party!

Not too much happens. Tony goes in to interrupt Ryan and Emily's chat, and he is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Ryan hands Emily a miniature novel that she proceeds to read while poor Tony is standing there forever. When Ryan leaves and Tony finally gets Emily time, he doesn't even show if it bothers him and comes back with a cute and witty "Wasn't that great, I told him just what to say" remark and they move on. That could have been super awkward, but Tony (who I think is absolutely adorable and I kind of have a crush on) is smooth and gets a good convo going. He brings up the fact that he has a son and they chat. Kalon and Stevie, the Jersey shore reject who I hate for no real reason (I think its the hair, and face, and voice and clothes) get into a little argument about stealing Emily and time with Emily, Kalon ends the argument with a matter-of-fact "who wouldn't want to be me?" comment.

On to the Rose Ceremony!

Aaron, the super cutie with the hipster glasses gets eliminated (boo hoo) and so does Kyle. Fun Fact: They were both from Long Beach, CA.

Here is who is left:


Alejandro
Alessandro
Arie
Charlie
Chris
Doug
Jef (safe from the group date)
John
Kalon
Michael
Nate
Ryan (safe from the one-on-one)
Sean
Stevie (uggh)
Tony
Travis

Chris Harrison sitting next to what he will look like if he ever ages and stops smiling.

The show ends with the preview for next week, which I didn't really watch, because it will be almost the same preview next week at the beginning of the episode.




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